You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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