I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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