so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
