how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
