It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
