Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
