At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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