Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
