yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
