Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
