fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
