I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's always time for handjobs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
