Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
