if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we're making bets on your personal life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
