on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
