it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
