Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
