There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
