this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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