Nicole vs. Life
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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