just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
