Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
