you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
