I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
