I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
