Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
