I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
