so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You pole danced in your parka.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
