I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
