"it" just moved
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
40s are totally the cure
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
