wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
