Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
