I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
