Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
