he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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