He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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