I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
