I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
