Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
