Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
