I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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