I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
