I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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