He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
