party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
