i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
