So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I smell like Dick and happiness
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
