i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
