How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
