dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
