Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
