I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
