Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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