dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
