If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
