He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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