yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
