My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
