just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
