Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
