6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
