Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
