just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
