Just mADE A PArabola og urine
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I could fuck to npr.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize