so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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