Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
