I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
