you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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