someone owes me an orgasm
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
