I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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