Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize