my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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