Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
