I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
