I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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