the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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