he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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