kristin has been a bad kristin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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