Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
