I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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