just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
