I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
